___ _______ ___ / _ \/ __/ _ \/ _ \ / // / _// , _/ ___/ /____/___/_/|_/_/ PROUDLY PRESENTS.... ...THE HOUSE SHOW REPORT... DATE: July 17th, 2011 WRITTEN BY: Tyler Terrapin This was the _DEBUT_ night for Delaney's recent business venture, the upstart wrestling promotion based right out of Delaney's personal warehouse space formally designated for DART~!, Delaney's wrestling school. The fans started to file in at a pretty decent clip once it got close to bell time. Honestly, I didn't think anyone would really show, it being DERP's inaugural show. However, Delaney musta' been a promoting whore all week because the house was certainly half filled, which is quite a accomplishment I say. And another accomplishment was the fact that the show started _ON TIME_!!! Right at 7 PM sharp, "Children of the Grave" blasted through the DERP Arena's PA speaker. The fans, knowing this was Delaney's theme music, instantly hit their feet and started chanting "DE-LANE-EEE DE-LANE-EE! DE-LANE-EE!' as the 'Suburban Abomination' parts the curtains and makes his way to the ring... *^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^ TRANSCRIPT: Delaney's Opening Speech *^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^ [Standing the ring, wearing a black GNA FN W shirt, Delaney quiets the fans, bringing the mic to his lips.] DELANEY: Thank you so much for your support! Thank you so much for you love, and _THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR MAKING MY DREAM A REALITY_!!! [POP!] DELANEY: See... For years and years, I've smeared my blood across the mat and fought ever so hard to make it in the wrestling business. While you can't say my career was a total flop, it certainly wasn't hall of fame worthy! But never the less... You fans NEVER left my side! You always pulled for me, prayed for me and just wanted so badly to see me finally win the big one! It almost happened in 3DW... and then it closed... [BOO!} DELANEY: It could have happened in GNAW... but we only got four shows to have fun with there... [BOO!] DELANEY: So, seeing that even though I'm just kissing the outer limits of thirty, I know this... _STYLE_ of wrestling I prefer doesn't lend itself to long term careers. Thus, it was either... I change how I wrestle to prolong my career... [BOO!] DELANEY: ... or I take a different path, one that takes me from behind HERE inside the ring... to being back there office signing paychecks! ["YOU MADE A GOOD CHOICE!" POP!] DELANEY: That is why DERP is alive and well, fans! After seeing how much LOVE poured out of you for 3DW... After seeing how much PASSION there was for GNAW... I saw my chance! I saw the golden opportunity sitting right there in front of me! Stop being the crazy guy swinging all the chairs... And start being the guy PAYING others to swing them for you! ["WE LOVE CHAIR SHOTS!" POP!] DELANEY: I know! What a great idea I had! Cause you see... DERP....It's about the fans seeing some of the best. most intense wrestling in the entire world! Wrestling that crosses all styles, all weight classes and all realms of possibilities! Wrestling that is going to spark a _REVOLUTION_ in the sports industry! And, yins all right here... Right now.. GET A FRONT ROW _SEAT_! [POP!] DELANEY: And, ladies and gentlemen... Remember, what you see here tonight... And what you will see here for _YEARS_ to come will not be able to happen without the likes of you! You are the reason DERP can exist! Without your support, there is no DERP! So if tonight takes you by the seat of your pants, and you just feel energized... DO SUMPTIN WITH IT! Visit the merch booth on yer way out! Go home and get online , spreading the word about DERP! Do all you _CAN_ to make sure DERP is not only alive now... not only alive six months from now... but to make sure DERP is alive _SIX YEARS FROM NOW_! [LONGEVITY POP]! DELANEY; But without further adieu, I will now step aside, take a seat in the back, and watch in earnest like the rest of you! I hope tonight lives up to expectations, and I hope to see you all back on _FRIDAY SEPTEMBER 5TH_ for our second house show _EVER_! But for now... Its time to..... .......GET UP AND _RRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGEEEEEEEEE_!!!!! ["Children of the Grave" hits the air, as Delaney throws his hands up, fans chanting "DEE-LANE-EE! DEE-LANE-EE! DEE-LANE-EE!" as he exits the ring.] *^*^*^*^*^*^*^* END TRANSCRIPT *^*^*^*^*^*^*^* The fans were quite riled up after Delaney's passionate speech! The didn't have much time to rest either, as the first ever DERP match was just about to take place -- a _THREE WAY DANCE_! Now I think it would be important to point out that within the confines of DERP ideology, a three way dance is NOT whoever gets the first fall wins. It _IS_ an elimination match! As I write this report, I stress this because I could tell there were plenty of people in the audience were confused on why no one was breaking up the pin attempts, and even more confused when the match didn't end after the first pin fall. There were pleased when it _DIDN'T_ end, but still... Gotta make sure everyone's clear on how DERP operates since, well... It's not like anything else out there right now! *^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^ DERP ^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^* FIRST DERP MATCH EVER -- THREE WAY DANCE RIC BEAUTY vs "TOYKO BAD BOY" IKUTO NAGASHIMA vs. MARIME THE MISCHEVIOUS *^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^ DERP ^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^* All three men circle the ring, just staring at each other. The fans again started chanting "DERP! DERP! DERP!" as the match begins with a standard tie up... but with all three men involved! Quickly Ikuto drops Marime's hand to nail Ric with a kick to the midsection, and a quick forearm shot to the head. Marime wastes no time, and grabs Ikuto from behind, lifting for a beautiful belly to back suplex. As Marime gets to his feet, Ric Beauty charges from behind with a running bulldog. Beauty gets to his feet as does Ikuto who executes a perfect drop kick, sending Beauty spilling outside the ring! The fans were _ALREADY_ on their feet, just totally digging this fast paced action to start the match off! Marime and Nagashima tie up, as Beauty rolls back into the ring, and gets up going for a double clothesline! Nagashima and Marime break their hold just in time, as Nagashima ducks out of the way, leaving Marime to just get his clocked cleaned! But Beauty has no time to capitalize, as "the Tokyo Bad Boy" lifts him up from behind, and brings him back down with a beckbreaker! But as Ikuto lets Beauty goes, Marime's up to his feet with a running cross body block! All three men lay on the mat, each one taking a breather as the fans give them a round applause for their efforts so far! Beauty and Nagashima get to their feet, as Marime rolls to the corner and sits on the bottom turnbuckle, taking a breather. Beauty goes for a tie up, but Nagashima just whips him into the ropes. Beauty comes back, as Nagashima leap frogs over. Now both men run into the ropes, and come charging back at each other... except Nagashima leaped to the top rope, and springboarded off... catching Beauty with a flying drop kick!!! The fans applaud, but jeer Nagashima as he begins to showboat around the ring... however, Marime's break is over and he catches Nagashima with a flying knee! Nagashima stumbles into the corner, as Marime charges again... splash in the corner, and Marime hangs on for a DDT! The fans go wild again, applauding what their witnessing in the ring. Marime doesn't bother with the pin, as he turns his focus on Ric Beauty, who's now getting back to his feet. Beauty charges, and cleans Marime's clock with nasty clothesline! And then he goes for the pin attempt on Nagashima! 1... 2...... KICKOUT!!! The "Tokyo Bad Boy" kicks out with a authority! Beauty gets to his feet, and boot kicks Ikuto right out of the ring! As he turns around, though, Marime's right there with a thumb to the eye, and right hand! Beauty just looks pissed, and head butts Marime to hell and back! As Marime stumbles into the ropes, Beauty hooks him.. VERTICAL SUPLEX! He holds for the bridge! 1... 2...... SHOULDER UP!!! Marime gets the shoulder up, as Nagashima enters the ring... chair in hand! Beauty stands up from the pin attempt... WHACK!!! He goes right back down with a shot from the chair! Marime begins to rise... WHACK!!! Right back down, as the "Tokyo Bad Boy" swings again! He then drops the chair, covers Beauty! 1... 2...... FOOT ON THE ROPES!!! Discouraged, Nagashima drops a elbow onto Marime, and tries to pin him! 1... 2...... SHOULDER UP!!! Ikuto just begins staring _daggers_ at the referee, XYZ. He even gets to his feet and gets in his face, screaming at the top of his lungs. XYZ just crosses his arms, and lets Ikuto yap away. The crowd buzzes as Beauty rises to his feet, picking up the chair at Ikuto continues his tirade. Beauty walks up behind, taps Ikuto on the shoulder.. He turns around... WHACK!!! Beauty connects, and the crowd just eats it up! Without hesitation, Beauty drops the chair to the mat, kicks Ikuto in the gut, and... DROPS HIM WITH A DDT ON THE CHAIR! Beauty rolls Ikuto over for the pin! 1... 2...... KICK OUT!!! Beauty lets out a big sigh, as the fans give him some moral support chanting "BEAU-TEE! BEAU-TEE BEAU-TEE!'. But it what the chant really does is prevent Beauty from hearing Marime climbing not onto the top turnbuckle... but onto the top of the ring post! He goes into a diver's pike position, and just... TORPEDOES RIGHT INTO BEAUTY! "DERP! DERP! DERP!" "DERP! DERP! DERP!" "DERP! DERP! DERP!" All three men are flat on the mat, sucking wind, trying to clear the cobwebs and get back on track. Ikuto is the first one to his feet, using the turnbuckles for support, blood beginning to trickle down his forehead. Beauty's DDT did a number, and, as God as my witness, the buzz in the DERP Arena went hyperactive when Ikuto's began to bleed. Beauty gets to his feet second, using another set of turnbuckles to get to his feet. Marime doesn't' bother getting to his feet, he rolls out of the ring, taking extra time to recover. Beauty and Ikuto approach each other in the ring. Beauty goes for a left, but Ikuto blocks it... giving Beauty a nasty palm thrust! Beauty stumbles back, as Ikuto gives him another palm thrust... and another... and another! Beauty is now backed against the ropes, as Ikuto decides to whip him across the ring. Beauty comes back and Ikuto spins... DISCUS PUNCH! Beauty drops to the ground, but Ikuto wastes no time! He pulls the chair that Beauty dropped him on right on Beauty's chest. He then gets to the corner, and climbs to the top rope... SPLIT LEGGED MOONSAULT!! "HOLE-LEE SHIT! HOLE-LEE SHIT! HOLE-LEE SHIT!" "HOLE-LEE SHIT! HOLE-LEE SHIT! HOLE-LEE SHIT!" "HOLE-LEE SHIT! HOLE-LEE SHIT! HOLE-LEE SHIT!" "HOLE-LEE SHIT! HOLE-LEE SHIT! HOLE-LEE SHIT!" "HOLE-LEE SHIT! HOLE-LEE SHIT! HOLE-LEE SHIT!" Ikuto goes for the cover, and even decides to put his feet on the ropes for added leverage!!! XYZ doesn't see as he drops down for the count... 1... 2...... 3!!!!!!! RING ANNOUNCER: ...and _RIC BEAUTY_ has been eliminated from the match! And Beauty's shoulders up a little too late!!! Ikuto rolls off, as Beauty rises up, just enraged! He gets in XYZ's face, complaining of Nagashima using the ropes for added leverage. XYZ just shakes his head and motions to the back. Beauty just shakes his fists, kicks the bottom rope and slides out of the ring... but crosses his arms and stands right there at ring side! The crowd gives Beauty some props, as Ikuto leans over the ropes, talking smack... leaving him prone to Marime the Mischievous, who has reentered the ring. He runs, and leaps over the top rope, grabbing Ikuto's head, slamming his throat into the ring rope! As Marime lets go, the force of the ropes flings Ikuto right to the mat! Marime gets to his feet, taking his time as Ikuto clutches at his throat. With a deep breath, Marime hops up the apron, and climbs to the top rope and leaps.... SOMMERSAUTL LEGDROP! The crowd again pops like mad! Marime surprisingly.. GOES FOR THE PIN! 1... 2...... SHOULDER UP!!! Ikuto gets the shoulder up at the last minute, as the crowd lets out a collective groan, hoping their cult hero had won it! Marime stands up but backs into the corner, taking a breather _again_. He pounds on the top turnbuckle, trying to keep the crowd riled up. Ric Beauty, at ringside, helps out with the cause! Ikuto makes it to his feet, and Marime wonders out of the corner. He grips Ikuto up and whips him into the corner! He calls to Beauty for a chair... and Beauty tosses him one! Marime catches, and tosses it right at IKuto... Ikuto catches it, and Marime comes charging... IKUTO THROWS THE CHAIR RIGHT BACK AT MARIME, IT CATCHES HIM SQUARE IN THE JAW! Marime hits the deck, as Ikuto drops an elbow before locking on a STF!!! Marime grimaces in pain, as Ikuto just pulls harder and harder! Beauty begins pounding on the mat, doing all he can to get Marime out of this spot! But the more Marime struggles, the more it seems Ikuto pulls back! Until finally... Marime just starts clawing and biting his way out! Finger in the eye, thumb up the nose, even a fishhook! And its the fishhook that does it! Marime gets to his feet, and... IRISH WHIPS IKUTO TO THE CORNER.. VIA THE FISHHOOK!!! Marime charges in... SPLASH! Ikuto falls to the mat, resting against the bottom rope... Marime gets the chair, and... WHACK!!! Slams its against Ikuto!!! He then backs up to the other corner, and gets a running start... First, it's a double back hand spring... then he launches into a... HANDSPRING DOUBLE KICK! THAT'S THE CALLIOPE!!! "FUCK-ING AWEOMSE!" CLAP...CLAP... CLAPCLAPCLAP "FUCK-ING AWEOMSE!" CLAP...CLAP... CLAPCLAPCLAP "FUCK-ING AWEOMSE!" CLAP...CLAP... CLAPCLAPCLAP Marime gets to his feet, drags Ikuto out of the corner... He goes for the cover... BEAUTY HOLDS DOWNS IKUTO LEGS FROM THE OUTSIDE! AGAIN XYZ DOESN'T SEE OR PERHAPS... DOESN'T CARE!!! 1... 2...... 3!!! Beauty immediately ducks down, and stealthily makes his way to the back, a smirk plastered all over his face. Ikuto is barely moving and is a bloody mess, but he sure did put on helluva fight there! Marime sits in the one corner, looking completely exhausted. *^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^ DERP ^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^* WINNER: Marime the Mischievous FINISH: Calliope, with a steel chair mixed in! *^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^ DERP ^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^* Wow! What a way to kick off the good ship DERP! Ikuto's gets the extra leverage and pins Beauty! Beauty gets him back later in the match, causing Ikuto to have _no_ leverage to kick out! And then there's Marime... Who at times seemed like he wished he had a tag partner to tag out too, but still found the muster to pull off the victory! The fans loved it, _I_ loved it and I'm sure anyone that sees this footage will just _LOVE_ it! And, then, as everyone digests and discusses the simply awesome opening bout, the DERP projection screens fire up, and begin broadcasting from somewhere backstage... *^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^* TRANSCRIPT: BACKSTAGE INTERVIEW *^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^* [Cut to the back where the weirdo known only as "Foodstamp" stands in front of the DERP logo. Wearing a leather mask and dirty gym clothes, the dreadlocked psycho has a microphone and stands up straight almost as if he's ... an interviewer? The crowd, watching on the two projection screens, mumbles back and forth over what they're seeing.] Foodstamp: Uhhh ... HEY! Foodstamp here! Harbinger of doom and herald of the glorious violence in the realm of DERP! [What!?] Foodstamp: Of course we all like sacrifices, be they on the altar of blood or our kitchen table. Who makes bigger sacrifices than the cow at the slaughterhouse? No one. Wait, where was I? [Lost in thought for a moment, Food doesn't seem to notice when a thick and very angry black man wanders into the scene. Dressed in black pads, short trunks and boots, a reverse mohawk shaved into his head that flow down into sideburns, he cuts the very mold of a consummate athlete. In other words it's a strong contrast with Food.] TH: What in the hell is this shit? Foodstamp: Yes, my guest at this time, "The Trashman" Tyrone Heat! TH: You ramblin' on about some sacrifice and shit. What are you, some kinda cultist? I thought this was a wrestlin' show. Foodstamp: One must be paid! TH: ... [Heat mulls it over for a moment, then nods and smiles.] TH: So you _are_ a cultist but you're interviewin' people to pay for ... what? Culty stuff? Foodstamp: Uhhh ... YEAH! TH: SHUT UP! Good God, man, look at yourself! You ain't the attraction and you're dressin' up like some kind of carnival sideshow. Ask some damned questions or take your leave, fool! [Thinking this over, Foodstamp looks around shiftily as if he might do something mean, but thinks better of it. Hunching, he assumes a more submissive posture.] Foodstamp: Heh, of course, well, your opponent tonight is Joshua Black! The guy what hates hardcore, or something. How do you feel about your opponent? TH: What? The amateur wrestler? Hell man, I don't know squat about him, and I doubt he knows anything about me. I got no feelin's one way or another. He wants to play it straight, I'll beat him down straight. He wants to keep it clean, fine, I'll keep it clean. No trash cans, 'though I really wanted to throw someone in one for my debut, no hockey sticks, none of that shit. Foodstamp: Ah, so an amateur contest? For points? Which position will you begin the match? I'm guessing ... back mount! TH: Hell no, I ain't gonna do that shit. Man, hardcore just means no holds barred, weapons allowed, pins outside the ring, whatever. If he wants to keep it in the ring and keep it clean, hells yes I'm there! But I sure as hell will take his head off! Time comes, I will choke him out, I will beat him down and if he steps out of line then all bets are off. Foodstamp: Bets? Who's taking bets. Wait, are we in Atlantic City? TH: Wha'? No, fool! Foodstamp: Food. TH: Dammit! Get out of my face! [Grabbing the microphone, Heat shoves Foodstamp aside and addresses the camera directly.] TH: Joshua Black, I'm gonna beat you at your own game tonight, punk! You backslide one inch though, man, and let me tell you ... HELL. WILL. RAIN! [Tossing the mic at Foodstamp and storming off in the opposite direction, Heat is gone. Food assumes his businesslike stance again.] Foodstamp: What a grump! Back to the action! [Projection screens go black.] ^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^ END TRANSCRIPT ^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^ As much as I am pleased to be apart of DERP, I still wonder what exactly Delaney was thinking hiring _FOODSTAMP_ as the official DERP interviewer? No wonder why "The Trashman" wasn't in a very good mood -- dealing with someone with that low of IQ is just frustrating at times! But still, that doesn't' take away from Tyrone's pointed words. Joshua Black better watch out later, it seems like Mr. Heat's quite fired up and ready to prove a point. The next competitors made their way to the ring, and I have to mention it because while "All Action" came to the ring like everyone else, with some good tunes playing, slapping some high fives, all that stuff... Donovan O'Reily chose a different path. First, a spotlight caught him at the concession stand purchasing a beer. And then as his music played, the spotlight watched him walk through the crowd, drinking said beer, talking smack to the various DERP fans he walked past making his way to the ring. Needless to say, by the time O'Reily got to the ring, everyone in the DERP Arena couldn't wait for Latimer to start laying into him! *^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^ DERP ^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^* DONOVAN O'REILY vs. "ALL ACTION" DENNY LATIMER *^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^ DERP ^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^* O'Reily and Latimer approach each other inside the ring, jawing back and forth. Latimer is the first to swing, catching O'Reily with a strong right. O'Reily takes a step back, and asks for another. Latimer goes with a strong left, again knocking Donovan back a few steps. But Donovan asks for another one, but this time as O'Reily swings, he blocks it, and connects with a nasty headbutt right to Latimer's nose. He follows quickly with a kick to the gut, hooks both him arms and drops him hard to the mat with a double arm DDT! O'Reily gets to his feet, raising his arms in the air, proud of himself so far. The fans give him a few jeers, but O'Reily just smiles, loving it. He turns around to Denny, gets to his feet pretty quickly. O'Reily approaches, and as Denny goes for a punch, Donovan blocks it... and connects with another headbutt, sending Latimer right back down to the mat! Being near the ropes, O'Reily decides to use it to his advantage... placing his boot right across Latimer's throat, and placing all his weight right down on it! Latimer just kicks and screams, as the life is being choked out of him. The crowd is letting O'Reily have it, but he shows no signs of giving a shit! Finally O'Reily hops off, as Latimer rolls out of the ring, just clutching his throat. O'Reily follows, but Latimer... THROWS A CHAIR AT O'REILY! It catches him right in the chest, legs first! "DEN-KNEE! DEN-KNEE DEN-KNEE!" "DEN-KNEE! DEN-KNEE DEN-KNEE!" "DEN-KNEE! DEN-KNEE DEN-KNEE!" "All Action" approaches O'Reily, trying to help Latimer get back into it. O'Reily goes for a punch, but Latimer scoots to the side, and takes him down with a drop toe hold! O'Reily's face smashes off the arena floor, as Latimer continues, locking on raked leg lock! Latime just wrenches on O'Reily's leg! O'Reily grunts in pain, but shows no signs of tapping! The referee, standing the ring, calls out to Denny, letting him now the match has to end in the ring, no matter how much they fight outside! Denny nods, and lets up the hold... but lays into O'Reily with kick after kick as O'Reily tries to get up. But the kicks do very little as Donovan still gets to his feet. Latimer decides to start punching but again O'Reily just clocks Denny with a nasty headbutt, followed by a quick Irish whip... RIGHT INTO THE RINGPOST! The sound is deafening, as Denny hits the pole so hard it sends him right back down to the mat. Shaking the cobwebs out, the bigger man Donovan picks up Denny and slams him right back to the mat with a scoop slam. He then peels him off the floor, and whips him right into the guardrail. Donovan things charges... but Denny ducks the shoulder, and lifts O'Reily right into the front row!!! But O'Reily somehow lands right on his feet. He turns, but Denny grabs Donovan's head, and drops him down, throat first, right on the guardrail! O'Reily _still_ doesn't fall to the ground, just clutches his throat, as Denny tries to hook him for a suplex... O'Reily blocks, Denny tries again. O'Reily blocks again, and.. REVERSES IT!!! O'Reily lifts Denny high into the air, and drops him with a vertical suplex into the second and third rows! Fans scatter, as the chant starts... "HOLE-LEE SHIT! HOLE-LEE SHIT! HOLE-LEE SHIT!" "HOLE-LEE SHIT! HOLE-LEE SHIT! HOLE-LEE SHIT!" "HOLE-LEE SHIT! HOLE-LEE SHIT! HOLE-LEE SHIT!" "HOLE-LEE SHIT! HOLE-LEE SHIT! HOLE-LEE SHIT!" O'Reily is the first one to stir, but Latimer's moving as well. Donovan assists him the rest of the way to his feet, and begins to drag him by his hair back towards the ring. He throws Denny over the guardrail, and climbs over himself. he then throws Denny into the ring... along with a chair! Donovan slides in, and picks up the chair. He begins to taunt the crowd a bit, just waiting for Latimer to get to his feet... Latimer does, as O'Reilly swings.... AND MISSES AS LATIMER CONNECTS WITH A STANDING DROP KICK TO DONOVAN'S KNEE! O'Reily hits the mat, dropping the chair. Denny picks up the chair and tries to whack Donovan with it! But Donovan keeps rolling out the way! Denny tries a few times, and gets nothing but mat each time! Finally, after the last shot, he drops the chair and goes back to doing what he does best... but O'Reilly gets to his feet, charges and connects with one helluva clothesline!!! Both men showing signs of the wear and tear of such a high impact match. O'Reilly is struggling to catch his breath, as Latimer is busy trying to clear the cobwebs out. O'Reilly doesn't let him do much clearing out, as he pulls Latimer to his feet. He hits "All Action" with a few forearm shots and goes to whip him into the corner... but Denny reverses it, sending Donovan crashing into the corner! Quick thinking, Denny picks up the chair, and throws it at Donovan... right as Donovan catches it before it hits him square in the face.... DENNY CONNECTS WITH A DISCUS PUNCH RIGHT TO THE CHAIR! The impact sends O'Reily to the mat, and Denny clutching his fist! "DERP! DERP! DERP!" "DERP! DERP! DERP!" "DERP! DERP! DERP!" Denny falls on O'Reily, not hooking the leg as he flexes his hand... 1.... 2... 3.... NO! O'REILY GOT HIS SHOULDER UP!!!! The fans are not happy about it, groaning in displeasure! Denny gets to his feet, clutching that hand, not even watching O'Reily who gets up to his feet, shakes his head and goes right after Latimer... LOCKING UP HIM WITH A FULL NELSON! Being the bigger man, O'Reilly wrenches back, lifting Denny off the mat by a few inches... But before Denny gives up, O'Reilly bends forward and then really wrenches high into the air, before dropping "All Action" with a full nelson bomb... or as he calls it, the _GHETTO STOMP_! With a sick smile on his face, O'Reily doesn't go for a pin... but locks on a crucifix arm bar, putting pressure on Denny's broken hand!!! Denny just spasms, screaming out of control s the fans just let O'Reilly have it for being such a jerk! Within seconds, Latimer taps out, but O'Reily doesn't even let go until the referee threatens to disqualify him! Soon as O'Reily's grip loosens, Latimer rolls out of the ring to the floor, just grabbing at his hand as the DERP stage crew surrounds him. *^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^ DERP ^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^* WINNER: Donovan O'Reily FINISH: Crucifix Armbar on Latimer's arm with the broken hand *^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^ DERP ^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^* Another stellar match! I was wondering what Latimer was thinking when he punched that chair. I just knew that wasn't going to end up good at _all_ and it certainly cost him! A tough SOB like Latimer doesn't tap out that quickly if that hand's not broken. No way. The crowd settles down, taking some time to get some food, booze or merchandise. However, most people end up rushing back to their seats as someone, or... some dudes show up unexpectly... *^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^ TRANSCRIPT: ?????? *^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^ ...The opening notes of MC Frontalot's "Final Boss" plays over the PA as two men emerge from the back. One is a rather big man- about six foot four inches tall with a bit of a gut. The other stands at around five foot three, with a stocky but solid build. Both are wearing identical outfits- A black unitard with blue trunks, gloves, boots, and masks. Besides the differences in build, it is the masks that differentiate the two men apart. The larger of the two has "P1" embroidered on the front of the mask in black 8-bit style lettering with white edges. The smaller man is "P2", naturally. The two make their way to the ring. Both of them roll underneath the ropes and bounce to their feet in the center of the ring. The larger man raises his hands in acknowledgement to the fans, though in all honesty, the fan response isn't exactly astounding. P1 grabs a microphone from the ring announcer and addresses the crowd.] P1: HELLO, DERP! [POP FOR MENTIONING DERP!] P1: For years now, the world of wrestling has been sick! Infested with an ancient and all-powerful evil that has corrupted all of the land...An evil so pervasive, so terrible, that the fans are wanting! All over the land, the fans search for a HERO! A CHOSEN HERO OF PROPHECY! A HERO TO CLEANSE THIS LAND OF THE- [P2 suddenly grabs the microphone right out from P1's hand] P2: DUDE! STOP YELLING! [P1's head drops down...] P2: Okay...try it again. [P2 hands the microphone back to P1] P1: But...yeah. The fans clamor for a hero to cleanse the wrestling world of the evil known as...as... [P1 scratches his head, clearly stumped] P1: ...Evil...ness? Yes! Evilness! [P2 shakes his head again] P1: But fear no more, DERP! Together with Player Two here, we will work together to triumph over everybody here to rid this land of evilness! And who are we, you ask? We are... [P1 flexes his arms.] P1: THE NERD POWER COLLECTIVE! [P2 snatches the microphone again, as the crowd gives NPC a few claps.] P2: ...goddamnit you're being too loud. besides, you keep talking like that, everyone is going to come out here and beat us up. and my face is my moneymaker. i can't let anyone hit it with garbage cans. [P1 leans over to talk] P1: But...little pal! Don't you understand? We're the HEROES! HOW CAN WE POSSIBLY LOSE? P2: YOU'RE YELLING AGAIN! Look everyone, we're sorry. we're kind of new at this, and my partner gets kind of excited...please...don't kill us. i can't die right now. i haven't reached a save point yet... [And just then "Big Balls" by AC/DC hits the speakers... as one big dude dressed in a ... skirt it looks like, and one stocky muscular Mexican Asian parts the curtains, steel chairs in hand. Both are wearing DART~! shirts, and name tags. The big dudes name is "Nuts" Baloney, and the Mexican Asian is Masnoto Tanacho. "Nuts" motions for the music to end, as he brings a mic to his lips that he probably pulled out of his fat rolls...] "NUTS BALONEY: Are you _kidding_ me? ARE YOU _FUCKING_ _KIDDING_ _ME_!?!? You are the type of talent Delaney's signing? YOU TWO FUCKIGN NERDS?!?! [Player Two cowers behind Player one, covering his ears.] "NUTS" BALONEY: What's wrong Player 2... YOU DON'T LIKE YELLING!?!? TOUGH TITTY MOTHERFUCKER! [Fans begin to boo.] "NUTS" BALONEY: Oh, I know... Pick on a someone my own size right? Pick on someone more worthwhile right? FUCK THAT SHIT! Those two pieces of shit got a DERP contract, while I'm still stuck in school! If Delaney doesn't see that me and my buddy here are ready for the real thang, I'll _MAKE_ him see the light! [And with that, "Nuts" and Masnoto storm their way to the ring. The crowd gets to their feet, eager to see what takes places here. NPC quickly exchange glances, and get into a fighting stance, despite Player Two's objections. The two brace for impact as the DART~! students hit the ring... *^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^ DERP ^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^* IMPROMPTU TAG MATCH NERD POWER COLLECTIVE vs. "NUTS" BALONEY AND MASNOTO TANACHO *^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^ DERP ^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^* NPC stays their ground, both going for a clothesline. Nuts and Tanacho duck, turn and..... CRRRRRRRRAAAAAACCCCCCKKKKKK!! Player 1 and 2 just crumple to the mat! Nuts and Tanacho reload, cracking NPC again as they thrash around on the mat! The two DART~! students just shake their head, as Nuts goes to the corner, wedging his now dented chair in between the ropes. Tanacho decides to put his around the ankle of Player 2, and then just stomp a mud hole in it! Player 2 just thrashes and thrashes, screaming out in pain, as Tanacho then connects with a beautiful standing drop kick right to Player 2's face! Nuts on the other hand as pulled Player 1 to his feet, and Irish whips him right in the corner, so hard that Player 1 just flies head first into the wedged chair. The crowd lets out a "OOOOOHHH!" on impact, as Nuts kicks the wounded Player 1 out of the ring. This allows Tanacho to pull Player 2 to his feet, and signal to Nuts that this match was about to be over. Nuts holds Tanacho as he runs into the ropes, spins real quick and nails Player 2 with a _ROARING ELBOW_! Player 2 goes basically limp in Nuts' hands, as Nuts spins him around, scoops him out, and... SITOUT SCOOP SLAM PILEDRIVER! As the crowd goes wild, the ref drops for the count.... 1... 2... 3!!! *^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^ DERP ^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^* WINNER: "Nuts Baloney and Masnoto Tanacho FINISH: Sitout Scoop Slam piledriver *^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^ DERP ^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^* Nuts Baloney and Masnoto Tanacho celebrate their victory, as the DERP EMTs, obviously having a busy night, rush out to attend to what's let of the Nerd Power Collective. Quite a welcoming the NPC got from the local DART~! students! Player 1 is barely standing at ringside, as Player 2 is being virtually scraped off the mat. Nuts and Masnoto play to the crowd, slapping some high fives, as they make their way to the back, quite proud of themselves. The crowd was just buzzing, wondering what exactly the Nerd Power Collective was thinking and not feeling bad at enjoying the beating they just got handed. The excitement level didn't get much of a chance to drop, as the stage hands cleared the ring very quickly, allowing the next participants to quickly make their way down to the ring. *^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^ DERP ^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^* TYRONE HEAT vs. JOSHUA BLACK *^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^ DERP ^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^* Tyrone Heat stands almost expressionless in the middle of the ring, as Joshua approaches. Collar and elbow tie up stars the match off, as Black goes with the go behind, locking on a rear waist lock. Black ducks a few elbows by Heat, and then Tyrone changes strategies and runs at the ropes, grabbing the top rope and trying to shake Black off. It works, but as Tyrone turns around, Black already to his feet, and hits a snap suplex with a bridge... 1... 2--KICKOUT! Tyrone gets his shoulder up quickly, but Black doesn't even seem to care. He pulls Tyrone to his feet and whips Heat into the ropes. Heat goes for a clothesline, but Black catches him with a lifting side slam! Again Black goes for the cover! 1... 2--KICKOUT! And again, Heat kicks out easily. This time Black seems a little frustrated. He again goes to pull Heat to his feet, but Heat has had enough of it. He just lays into Black with _heavy_ rights and lefts, really giving it to Black. Heat's flurry of punches push Black back into the corner, where Heat grips him up... BELLY TO BELLY SUPLEX! As Black hits the mat, and rolls around in pain, "The Trashman" gets right to his feet and goes right back after Black. Black gets to his feet, but Tyrone keeps on the punishment, laying into Black with kick after kick after kick. Black rolls out of the ring, and, shaking his head, Tyrone follows. Black, realizing the breather he's looking for won't happen, rolls right back into the ring... as does Tyrone, who gets caught with a elbow drop by Black! The crowd jeers, not approving of Black's cowardly tactics! He pays no attention, dropping another elbow into the small of Tyrone's back! Black then decides to bounce of the ropes, and come charging back a knee lift, sending Tyrone right back down to the mat! Wasting no time, Tyrone locks on a Boston crab, really sitting back and wrenching on Tyrone's legs! Tyrone grunts and grunts, but just keeps shaking his head. The ref keeps checking on him, but Tyrone shows no signs of quitting. Black wrenches back some more, and Tyrone lets out a grunt.... but still no give! Then, Black isn't wrenching back so more... as Tyrone's busy trying to straighten out his legs! The struggle is on.... and....... Black gives up, realizing its now become futile! Heat is quick to his feet, as Black goes for a kick... but Tyrone grabs him with by the leg, squats and pulls off an ipponzei, a judo style throw! and without any pausing, Tyrone locks on a STF, making it now Black's turn to feel some pain! Tyrone wrenches and wrenches, as Black furiously pretty much _claws_ at Tyrone's head, eventually catching him with a thumb in the eye! Tyrone break the holds but the rage that comes over him is instantly noticeable! He pounces on Black, just laying hard lefts and rights and lefts and rights. Just raining down shots. Black tries to cover up, but it's futile as Tyrone just unleashes hell until he's visibly winded. He then rolls off, catching his breath, as Black rolls out of the ring, desperate for some separation. But it will cost him, as "The Trashman" rolls out of the ring himself. He takes his time, though, searching under the ring for a few... toys. He slides into the ring first a chair and then mop, and finally.. a trash can!!! Soon as the can's spot, the fans begin to cheer! Satisfied with his choices, Tyrone elects to make his way over to where Black's busy recovering, having barely gotten to his feet. As Tyrone approaches, Black lunges out.... THUMB TO THE EYE! He then lifts Tyrone up... SIDEWALK SLAM ON THE CEMENT! The crowd boo's as Black seems to be turning the tides now! "LETS GO TRASHMAN!" CLAP, CLAP, CLAPCLAPCLAP "LETS GO TRASHMAN!" CLAP, CLAP, CLAPCLAPCLAP "LETS GO TRASHMAN!" CLAP, CLAP, CLAPCLAPCLAP Black gives Tyrone a few stomps, before lifting him up and rolling him into the ring. Black slides in, and immediately picks up a chair. I swear he mouths to the crowd "is this what you want?!?!" as he delivers a punishing shot to Tyrone's skull. Tyrone wobbles a bit, before falling over. Black just shakes his head, as he drops the chair and pulls Tyrone to his feet. Black locks on a waist lock, and lifts Tyrone for a belly to belly suplex, but Tyrone blocks it, hooking his leg around Black's! Black tries again, but no luck as.... Tyrone reverses it! Black hits the mat with a thud, as Tyrone gets to his feet quick and goes right after Black. He first decides to kick him a few times, and then as he's pulling Tyrone to his feet, gives him a few elbow shots.. he then whips him into the ropes.... LEAPING HIP CHECK SENDS BLACK TO THE MAT! The crowd is just buzzing now, especially as Tyrone finds that trash can he threw into the ring and... sits it up right in the center of the ring!?!? The crowd's buzz intensifies as Tyrone pulls Black off the mat. He again whips him into the ropes and Tyrone picks him up with a military press... just incredible strength and then... HE DROPS BlACK RIGHT INTO THAT TRASH CAN WITH A DEATH VALLEY DRIVER! THAT'S THE TRASH COMPACTOR!!!!!!!!! "HOLE-LEE SHIT! HOLE-LEE SHIT! HOLE-LEE SHIT!" "HOLE-LEE SHIT! HOLE-LEE SHIT! HOLE-LEE SHIT!" "HOLE-LEE SHIT! HOLE-LEE SHIT! HOLE-LEE SHIT!" "HOLE-LEE SHIT! HOLE-LEE SHIT! HOLE-LEE SHIT!" "HOLE-LEE SHIT! HOLE-LEE SHIT! HOLE-LEE SHIT!" "HOLE-LEE SHIT! HOLE-LEE SHIT! HOLE-LEE SHIT!" Heat kicks the can over, picks up the mop bounces off the ropes... BREAKS THE MOP ON THE CAN!!! And now he's pinning Black.. while's he still inside the can!!! 1... 2...... 3!!!!!!!! HEAT WINS! Tyrone stands up from the havoc he's caused, obviously very pleased with himself, with the crowd just going wild... "TRASH MAN! TRASH MAN! TRASH MAN!" "TRASH MAN! TRASH MAN! TRASH MAN!" "TRASH MAN! TRASH MAN! TRASH MAN!" "TRASH MAN! TRASH MAN! TRASH MAN!" "TRASH MAN! TRASH MAN! TRASH MAN!" *^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^ DERP ^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^* WINNER: Tyrone Heat FINISH: The Trash Compactor! *^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^ DERP ^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^* Now that's a crazy way to end a match that was seemingly back and forth, a good mix of real wrestling and lots of strikes by Tyrone! Black sure did put up a fight and damn near won that match... but my God... that Trash Compactor... into a trash can?!?! No man can survive that! No way! But the fans sure did love it, isn't that what counts?!?! And, with the conclusion of this match up, leaves only one more match for the audience to enjoy - the ACE Showcase match, featuring Casey "The Renegade" Houlihan, who was trained in this very same building by Ryan FN Delaney himself, and "The Free Radical" Sophia Reynolds. As the stage hands remove the chairs, and the useless trashcan from the ring, the fans eagerly await the prospect of seeing two hot chicks try to put each other through a table... Except... everyone in the DERP Arena got a bit of a surprise! *^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^ TRANSCRIPT: PPA *^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^ ..."More Human Than Human" by White Zombie cues up over the arena. Boos filter throughout the venue as "The World's Most Hated Tag Team" steps into the entrance. The PPD of twin brothers, Lance and Max Studd, both dressed in PPD t- shirts and jeans. The brothers make their way down the aisle, both of them taunting the fans - some fans flip them off, some are trying to touch them, most are cursing them. Lance rolls into the ring and grabs a microphone as Max stays on the outside a second or two threatening to "beat the living fuck" out of a ten year old kid in the front row. Max finally joins his brother who hands him a microphone.] Lance Studd: Don't you love how they always underestimate us, dear Brother? Max Studd: They underestimate us like no other. It's no doubt we are indeed the world's most loathed tag team. Especially... [he tries to contain his laughter] after... [still trying to contain it] ...did you see the look on the fan's faces when we crucified that big doofy fuck, Ryan Delaney, on that cross a few weeks ago in GNAW? [CROWD POP FOR DELANEY!] Lance Studd: One would suggest the word "priceless" would do for that one. Max Studd: The Perfectly Perfect Alliance was born... and it shall _never_ die. Lance Studd: And hey, let's take a poll. Not that their opinion much matters. But, what would you inbred idiots say? Is priceless the right word for your hardcore hero Ryan F'N Delaney being fucking crucified? [MAJOR BOOS!] Lance Studd: Give me a damn break! Ryan Delaney is a tool! He's not even a _wrestler_ let alone an athlete. He lacks physique. He lacks any sort of good looks. He lacks intelligent. These three things: physique, looks, intelligence... they make up the PPD. The Perfectly Perfect Duo. [turning to his brother] Don't you just _hate_ that name? "YOUR NAME SUCKS!" "YOUR NAME SUCKS!" "YOUR NAME SUCKS!" Max Studd: Yeah, yeah, we suck. That's about the only story anyone can ever seem to come up with. Every league we go to. Every country we visit. Every person there seems to boil over with jealousy... and in the end, all they can say is... "Hey, PPD, we hate your name. You suck." Lance Studd: Well, you know, our mother did get rather lucky. Perfection came in a twosome when she gave birth to the PPD. Good job, Ma. You're up there in Heaven watching down upon us and I bet you're proud! Damn proud! "YOUR MOM SUCKS!" "YOUR MOM SUCKS!" "YOUR MOM SUCKS!" [Lance's face becomes instantaneously red. Lance leans over the top rope smugly and confronts a huge man in the audience who is screaming the chant louder than anyone.] Lance Studd: I'm going to come out of this ring and slap the taste out of your mouth, fatso! Max Studd: Ah, forget him! He isn't worth it! No one in this audience is as perfect as us! No one... no one on this DERP roster is _worthy_ of hanging with the PPD. Except, of course... Josh Manning and Mr. Omar! [BOOOS!] Max Studd: That's right! The other two gentlemen that make up the Perfectly Perfect Alliance! The men that helped us crucify that dumb ass Ryan Delaney! Give it up for them! # IIIIIIIIIIIIII shoot the lights out... # # High till it's bright out... # # Oh, just another lonely night # # Are you willing to sacrifice your life? # [Once again, boos fill the DERP Arena as "Monster" by Kanye West kicks up over the PA. Omar and Josh Manning make their way out, Omar with that obnoxious Cheshire Cat grin on his face, Manning outstretching his arms in a crucifix pose to mock Ryan Delaney. Manning wears an all-over print skull bandana over his long brown hair, black button-up shirt with his sleeves rolled up and a pair of dark blue jeans, while Omar is decked out in a white tailored suit with a black dress shirt. His gold chains and rings glisten in the house lights. They both enter the ring, Omar immediately wielding a mic as the music cuts.] O: Thank you, boys, thank you... "DON'T DROP THE SOAP!" "DON'T DROP THE SOAP!" "DON'T DROP THE SOAP!" "DON'T DROP THE SOAP!" "DON'T DROP THE SOAP!" "DON'T DROP THE SOAP!" [With a grim look on his face as the fans remind him of his stay in the "Peach State Hotel," Omar mutters a few curses under his breath before getting back on the stick.] O: A'ight... y'all got jokes, right? Y'all think you're so fuckin' funny, right? Well, you know what's funny? How the Perfectly Perfect Alliance _destroyed_ GNAW and how we're now gonna do the same thing to _this_ shit hole! [HUGE heel pop! The PPA applaud the notion of tearing DERP apart.] O: Let 'em know, Josh. JM: You know, you people need to understand one thing about us -- we're good. We're almost _too_ good for this wasteland. Actually, fuck "almost"... we _are_ too good for this wasteland. How serious are we supposed to take this, huh? Take a look around you! This arena? It used to be a fucking warehouse. And for whatever reason, Ryan Delaney decided to name this promotion after himself. You all paid for tickets for a federation named "DERP"... which pretty much sounds like something a person with Tourette's would yell during their fits. You know, kinda like... [Manning adopts an obnoxious, nasally voice.] JM: DERP! DERP! DERP! DERP! ACK! [He feigns the appearance of choking on something for a moment before regaining his composure.] JM: It's kind of fitting though... I mean, Delaney _is_ an illiterate poster child for Adderall, right? [Manning smirks.] JM: Well, let me spell it out for you, Ryan "FUCKING" Delaney -- you're a worthless fucking degenerate... and we're here to ensure that you end up back in whatever Pittsburgh gutter you crawled out from. Consider this a matter of checks and balances, Delaney. People like "yins"? You're just not built to succeed in life. People like the Perfectly Perfect Alliance? Well, we just are. And it just so happens that if you _do_ make something of yourself, an angel loses its wings. I... happen to _like_ angels, Delaney, and I happen to fucking hate you. Don't think for one second that you're gonna do a damn thing about _anything_ we do... but if you wanna bear the cross? Well... heh... we can make arrangements like we did last time. [Manning hands the microphone back to the Man of Every Year.] O: You hear that, Delaney? You sorry-ass fuckin' clown... [And a chant stirs up again...] "FUCK 'EM UP, DELANEY, FUCK 'EM UP!" (clap, clap, clap-clap-clap) "FUCK 'EM UP, DELANEY, FUCK 'EM UP!" (clap, clap, clap-clap-clap) "FUCK 'EM UP, DELANEY, FUCK 'EM UP!" (clap, clap, clap-clap-clap) O: Nah, nah, nah... that ain't happenin'. Ain't _nobody_ fuckin' us up. You know why? Because we've got an... Ace up our sleeve that'll ensure the Perfectly Perfect Alliance's hostile takeover of DERP. Don't we, Lance? Max? [The brothers nod knowingly, shit-eating grins plastered on both of their faces.] O: But you won't get to see that ace until the nex- ["Children of the Grave" hits the PA system, and the crowd just goes _INSANE_ as the "Suburban Abomination" himself, the man behind the madness that is DERP, the one, the only... RYAN _FUCKING_ DELANEY steps onto the ramp way, mic in hand, just a smirk all over his face.] DELANEY: Really, guys? _REALLY_? I admit, you got me... You did. You strung me up on that cross, and did all you could to make an _example_ of me. But you know what I saw? I saw yins treating me like the son of _GOD_! And to me... THATS FLATTERY!!! [CHEER!] DELANEY: I think of that as an _HONOR_, not a matter of disrespect. Not at all. But, what it really did, _Perfectly_ _Perfect_ _Alliance_... is show me that you get it. That you know what a place like GNAW.... [POP FOR GNAW!] DELANEY: ... or a place like DERP.... [POP FOR DERP!] DELANEY: stands for! It stands for crossing lines, and pushing boundaries! and that's exactly what yins did! You gave me the "royal" treatment so to speak, and showed the world that under dem skirts you were... There is a set of nuts! BUT... But _Perfectly_... _Perfect_.... _Alliance_... I have a few questions for you.. They might seem off topic and out of place, but i assure you... There's are reasons behind it! [PPA looks at each, and looks back at Delaney, with a shrug.] DELANEY: First... Do you guys... eat chicken? Y know... Chick-Fila... Fried Chicken from KFC... Chicken tacos from Denny's... that's right up your alley right? [Everyone in the ring nods, as someone in a chicken suit quietly makes his way over the guardrail, Singapore cane in hand...] DELANEY: And, then... I'm sure you guys like... beef right? Steaks? Burgers? Chops? Right? All delicious as fuck and totally right up your alley, right? [Everyone in the ring nods again, as now a cow suit makes his way over the guard, with another Singapore cane... They both now do the 'quiet' sign with their hands...] DELANEY: Well, shit, _Perfectly_ _Perfect_ _Alliance_.... .......I KNOW SOME BARNYARD ANIMALS THAT DON'T APPREACIATE THAT AT ALL!!! [And just then... COW AND CHICKEN slide into the ring, and just go to town! WHACK! Down goes Omar! WHACK! Down goes Josh Manning! Both quickly roll out of the ring, as Delaney now makes his way down to the ring! The Studd brothers try to stand their ground, but the legendary BSCW tag team ducks their clothesline ne attempt, and... WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! The Studd brothers hit the mat, as the crowd goes nuts.... They quickly roll out of the ring, surrounded by the rest of PPA. "COW AND CHICKEN! CLAP, CLAP, CLAPCLAPCLAP "COW AND CHICKEN! CLAP, CLAP, CLAPCLAPCLAP "COW AND CHICKEN! CLAP, CLAP, CLAPCLAPCLAP "COW AND CHICKEN! CLAP, CLAP, CLAPCLAPCLAP Delaney slides himself under the ring, as Cow and Chicken climb the turnbuckles celebrating to the ground, and making sure PPA's assecories don't bother to enter the ring. Delaney stands in the certain of the ring, speaking directly to each member of PPA] DELANEY: Takes this as _WARNING_ _Perfectly_ _Perfect_ _Alliance_! I _brought_ you into DERP because of your talent, because of what you brig to this _SPORT_! Not so you can run your mouth, and dog me in _MY_ arena in _MY_ ring! I hope you've learned your lesson, because I didn't start DERP to be out here playing good owner, evil owner! If I wanted to get into the ring, and whoop yer ass, I would! But that's not my role anymore! I am now the guy that signs your paychecks.... AND DON'T YOU FORGET IT!!! [PPA begins to jaw back, as Cow and Chicken make like they're exiting the ring to come after PPA... This causes PPA to almost trip over themselves, as they make their way up the ramwpay. Everyone has a collective laugh, as Delaney, Cow and Chicken exit the ring, but exit through the DERP crowd.] *^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^ END TRANSCRIPT *^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^ Everyone wondered how exactly Delaney and the Perfectly Perfect Alliance was going to get along with their new business relationship, after the war they raged in GNAW. But from the sounds of it, PPD was able to earn Delaney's mutual respect, thus earning them a contract. Their mouths, though, might ruin it for them as Delaney did not seem pleased at _ALL_ with their choice of words. And once the 'interruption' of PPA is over, the competitors for the ACE Showcase match are finally able to make their way to the ring... Casey "The Renegade" Houlihan carrying chair into the fray! *^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^ DERP ^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^* MAIN EVENT - ACE SHOWCASE TABLES MATCH CASEY "THE RENEGADE" HOULIHAN vs. SOPHIA REYNOLDS *^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^ DERP ^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^* Sophia isn't stupid. Soon as Casey hit the ring with that chair, she ducked out... but only to grab a chair of her own! She slides right back into the ring, and Casey even lets her get to her feet, like the nice girl she is! The women approach each other in the center of the ring, talking mad smack that only the first few rows can probably hear! Casey's the first to swing, but Sophia blocks it with her chair! Casey tries again, and again the chairs meet with a heavy thud! Before Sophia can react, Casey gives up on swinging for the fences, and just tossed the chair at Sophia, followed by a quick drop kick... to chair Sophia was carrying! Sophia flies backwards into the ropes, as the crowd just goes wild! Casey only takes a few moments before charging Sophia, connect with a stiff clothesline sending Sophia over the top rope to the floor. Casey bounces against the far ropes, and comes running back, leaps to the top rope and leaps off, going for a springboard leg drop on Sophia... but she moves out the way! Casey eats nothing but concrete floor! Sophia gets to her feet first, laying boots right into Casey. Casey tries to roll away, but Sophia just keeps kicking. Sophia finally pulls Casey to her feet, and whips her into the guard rail hard! Sophia charges going for a splash...... but gets nothing but guardrail as it's Casey's turn to out of the way! Casey now on the attack, taking her turn to lay some forearm shots on Sophia. Casey then hooks and goes to lift her into the air for a suplex. Sophia blocks it ,forcing Casey to lay in a few forearm shots to Sophia back, which lets her get into he air... but instead of falling back for a suplex... and instead of dropping Sophia right on the guardrail... she chooses to go diagonal, and drop her... RIGHT ON THE STEEL STEPS! "HOLE-LEE SHIT! HOLE-LEE SHIT!" HOLE-LEE SHIT!" "HOLE-LEE SHIT! HOLE-LEE SHIT!" HOLE-LEE SHIT!" "HOLE-LEE SHIT! HOLE-LEE SHIT!" HOLE-LEE SHIT!" Pleased with herself but knowing its far from over, Casey wastes little time and goes right after Sophia, who is clutching her back. Casey picks her up and whips her right into the guardrail! She grips Sophia up, and whips her into the other guard rail! Sophia just falls to the floor, just grabbing her back! Casey takes her time, and wonders over to get a chair. This gives Sophia time, and as fate would have it.. she's right near a chair herself! Except she doesn't even have the strength to get up and swing it! She elects to just throw it at Casey! Casey manages to semi-duck it, only getting a receiving blow... but Sophia whips another one, which catches Case square in the jaw! Casey staggers back, as Sophia staggers up. Sophia charges Casey, who's leaning on the guardrail... Casey sees her coming and lifts her up and over the guard rail into the first row! Quick to follow, Casey leaps on the guardrail and leaps off, connect with a beautiful leg drop on Sophia... or so she hoped, but Sophia moves and Casey eats nothing but concrete... AGAIN! Sophia feeling more comfortable closer to the ring hops the guardrail with ease, and takes a few seconds to gather herself sitting on the ring steps. As Casey gets to her feet, Sophia gets up, runs, leaps on the guardrail... FLYING CROSSBDOY ONTO CASEY INTO THE CROWD! "DERP! DERP! DERP!" "DERP! DERP! DERP!" "DERP! DERP! DERP!" "DERP! DERP! DERP!" Both girls get to their feet about the same time, with Casey being worse for the wear.. for the moment. The two get into a slug fest, but a mobile on, as it moves closer towards the guardrail. Once then, Sophia tries to slam Casey's head off the forgiving steel, but Casey blocked it... electing to make Sophia kiss the steeL! And in one fluid motion, Casey then hip tosses (read: throws) Sophia right over the guardrail to the arena floor. Casey hops over herself, and immediately decides to go digging underneath he ring... pulling out a _TABLE_! Sophia, hearing the crowd's excitement level rises, quickly gets to her feet! As Casey leans the table on the ring post, Sophia comes up from behind, and nails Casey with a Russian leg sweep. Sophia looks right at the table, and then picks Casey up off the ground. She drags Casey towards the table, and slams Casey's head right off of it. As Casey stumbles backwards, Sophia dropkicks Casey right into the table... BUT IT DOESN'T BREAK!!!!!!! Casey falls to the floor, and Sophia shakes her head just amazed. She doesn't waste any time, choosing to help Casey to her feet, only to throw her head in between her legs, and lift her up into the air for a power bomb. But Casey begins to fight! With rights and lefts, and then all of a sudden....Casey reverses it with a hurricanaranna but misses the table by just a few inches!!! Both girls lay on the cement, feeling the effects of this match. Both girls get to their knees about the same time, but Sophia beats Casey to her feet, and nails her with a axe handle to Casey's back! She follows this by rolling Casey into the ring, and then sliding the table in before she sliding in her self. Casey struggles to her feet, as Sophia picks the table up and drops it right on Casey with a sickening thud! Sophia then sets the table up, and goes to pull Casey to her feet, only to be met with stiff resistance. After a few rights and lefts, Casey grabs Sophia head and begins slamming it off the table! The crowd counts along! 1....2....3.....4.....5--NO! Sophia's had enough, and clocks Casey with a nasty elbow! She charges in, and gain with a shoulder lift, Casey sends her flying to the back outside to the concrete floor! They sure didn't stay in the ring long!!! Instead of going on the attack, Casey decides she wants to set up a table. She slides under bottom rope, and digs out another table from under the ring. She sets hers it with one end on the guard rail and one end on the ring apron. Sophia begins to stir, and Casey elects to giving her the shining wizard treatment, sending her right back to the floor! Casey then rolls into the ring, and elects to climb through the ropes.... walking out onto the table she set up! Casey raises her arms in the air much to delight of the crowd, who gives her a massive ovation! Sophia again begins to stir, as Casey turns her back towards, Sophia, bends at the knees, and leaps... MOONSAULTING RIGHT ONTO SOPHIA!!! "REN-EEE-GADE! REN-EEE-GADE! REN-EEE-GADE!" "REN-EEE-GADE! REN-EEE-GADE! REN-EEE-GADE!" "REN-EEE-GADE! REN-EEE-GADE! REN-EEE-GADE!" "REN-EEE-GADE! REN-EEE-GADE! REN-EEE-GADE!" "REN-EEE-GADE! REN-EEE-GADE! REN-EEE-GADE!" Both girls struggle to their feet, Casey getting up first this time. She pulls Sophia to her feet, and rolls her into the ring. Casey follows immediately! Sophia tries to fight Casey off, but guest no where as Casey just lays into her with boot after boot after boot! She pulls Sophia to her feet, and whips her into the ropes. Sophia goes for a leap frog attempt, but Casey just _plants_ her with a sit out power bomb! Sensing she's got some time, Casey rolls to the outside and pulls table off the ring post and slides it into the ring. She also elects to toss in a couple chairs, both of which narrowly miss Sophia who's beginning to stir. Casey rolls into the ring, and quickly picks up one of those chairs. She begins to pound it on the mat, just waiting for Sophia to get to her feet. Sophia does, and Casey charges.... SHE MISSES! Casey turns around, and tries again, but Sophia kicks her in the gut... FACE SLAM!!! Sophia just slammed Casey face right off the mat, almost out of pure desperation! Both girls are flat on their backs, catching their breathes. Casey stirs a bit, but Sophia gets to her knees first. She grabs a nearby chair and gets to her fit. Casey does the same. The two meet right in the center of the ring, both of them swing..... DUAL CHAIR SHOT! BOTH GIRLS CRUMBLE TO THE GROUND! Both instantly flows from both girls foreheads! "DERP! DERP! DERP!" "DERP! DERP! DERP!" "DERP! DERP! DERP!" "DERP! DERP! DERP!" This time they get up without chairs. They elect to straight punches, until Sophia grips Casey up and plants her with a belly to belly suplex! Sophia tries to capitalize, but is really showing the wear and tear of this brutal affair. She elects to set up the table Casey brought into the ring, desperate to end this ACE Showcase match. As she finishes, Casey makes it back to her feet. Sophia approaches, and goes for go behind, but Casey just catches her with a nasty elbow! Casey whips Sophia into the corner, picks up a chair, and charges in.. using the chair as she splashes Sophia right in the corner! But Casey isn't done! She looks over at the table still set up at ringside and just smiles! The fans go nuts, liking the line of thinking Casey's currently on! She lays into Sophia with a few more elbow shots, before lifting her onto the top rope. Sophia moves her legs from the inside to the outside, before climbing up herself... Then, in what has to be pure adrenaline, Sophia gets lifted into the piledriver position, as Sophia herself climbs to the top rope, and leaps without a moment of hesitation....performing a top rope modified cradle piledriver... THROUGH THE FUCKING TABLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! "HOLE-LEE SHIT! HOLE-LEE SHIT! HOLE-LEE SHIT!" "HOLE-LEE SHIT! HOLE-LEE SHIT! HOLE-LEE SHIT!" "HOLE-LEE SHIT! HOLE-LEE SHIT! HOLE-LEE SHIT!" "HOLE-LEE SHIT! HOLE-LEE SHIT! HOLE-LEE SHIT!" "HOLE-LEE SHIT! HOLE-LEE SHIT! HOLE-LEE SHIT!" "HOLE-LEE SHIT! HOLE-LEE SHIT! HOLE-LEE SHIT!" "HOLE-LEE SHIT! HOLE-LEE SHIT! HOLE-LEE SHIT!" "HOLE-LEE SHIT! HOLE-LEE SHIT! HOLE-LEE SHIT!" "HOLE-LEE SHIT! HOLE-LEE SHIT! HOLE-LEE SHIT!" The DERP arena just explodes! The chanting rings out at decibel levels previously thought not to exist. Both girls are just laying in a heap of broken table pieces. Casey is the first to roll out of the mess, clutching her knees. Sophia is laying motionless as DERP EMTs rush to the scene, immediately checking on Sophia's condition as the fans just continue to chant "HOLE-LEE SHIT! HOLE- LEE SHIT! HOLE-LEE SHIT!" *^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^ DERP ^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^* WINNER: Casey "The Renegade' Houlihan FINISH: Top Rope Modified Piledriver thru a table at ringside *^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^ DERP ^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^* _WOW_! Just _WOW_! Casey makes her way back to her feet, barely and rolls into the ring to celebrate her victory! The crowd is just on their feet, just going nuts _STILL_ almost five minutes later! Sophia has been helped to her feet, and basically carried to the back as Casey tries to celebrate, but seems to really be favoring those knees that probably took as much impact as did Sophia's skull! She decides to end the celebration, and head to the back herself. She puts her hand to the forehead, seemingly to just realizing she's been bleeding for a little bit now. And that was it for DERP's first house show! The buzz on the way out was very positive, with many fans debating about what match stole the show! Hopefully this bright beginning is only a glimpse at the wonderfulness DERP will provide the wrestling world! ______________________________________________________ THOUGHTS? REACTIONS? SPEAK YOUR MIND RIGHT HERE: http://z13.invisionfree.com/DERP_Forum/index.php?showforum=4